How Wallpaper Saved My Life

How Wallpaper
Saved My Life

Wallpaper has been one of the single most joyous experiences of my life.

Wallpaper has been one of the single most joyous experiences of my life. It has guided me, inspired me,  motivated me, and it has never failed to lift my spirits.

When people say to me:

“Isn’t wallpaper out of style” (never)

“Isn’t it hard to take down” (not really)

“Don’t some people say it is tacky” (maybe people with no taste)

“Is it just a trend? (Is Snoop Dog trendy? ICON – Wallpaper – Iconic)

“Is it expensive ?’ (Now that one can be a little true…).

Choosing wallpaper makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.  Because life, now life eludes me, ‘how to’, ‘what to, the ‘right to’, but wallpaper’s contribution to this world is simple, to beautify and bring joy.  And really, what a great accomplishment for trees and paper. Good job trees!  You provide clean air and beautiful walls (hopefully recycled of course).

The first time I installed wallpaper was in the tiny little bathroom in my very old (but new to me) home shortly after the birth of my second child.   I was fully, deeply into a lock down depression. To make it extra fun to medicate, no one knew if it was ‘just’ postpartum or just my ‘normal’ depression.

Random note:  I still sometimes have to choke down my jealousy when people talk about how they experienced postpartum.  Or more specifically when people’s bodies figure out a way to GET RID of depression. Like wow, what would that be like? To have some insight into how awful depression is, yet never have to go back to that place of suffering.  Like how amazing would that be?  A life where you aren’t waiting for Stan to tap you on your back.  And when he does, because he will, you train yourself to simultaneously brace yourself if he decides to stay or pray that he is teasing.

During this time, Stan was not in a teasing mood. He was fully present and banging his chest like Tarzan.  I suspect two kids, no sleep and a diet of chocolate, wine, coffee and baked goods were probably not helping.  At one point I remember making a deal with myself that I would only eat desserts if I baked them myself. I thought this would motivate me to eat less dessert. It did motivate me. It motivated me to become a very good baker. Thankfully, I still had lots of maternity clothes I could wear which supported my nutrition plan.

So fueled on this excellent diet of carbs, alcohol, baked goods and caffeine, lack of sleep and the constant needs of an infant and toddler, I was loving life.

The days were so so so long.  I could swear they were 40 hours long and not 24.  It was Groundhog Day – Every. Single. Day.

But this my friends is when wallpaper came into my life.  Until then, I continued to endure many a long day where I felt like my head and heart may explode.  My head from its torturous thoughts, and my heart from this roller-coaster of new motherhood.  Who knew you could love your kids so fiercely but still want to run away from them.  So, for you ladies who are out there doing this… remember you are fucking warriors.  You are in the trenches, remember to come up for air,  to turn your face towards the light.

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